My Mental Trampoline

It is our goal here at My Mental Trampoline to share the lessons learned over the 53 years I have experienced living as a functioning bipolar sufferer. At first I shared my articles as a person struggling to make sense of the world within me so that the world without could understand my pain and behaviour. I wanted others to see how I discovered coping mechanisms and a healthy perspective that embraced building function, as opposed to dysfunction, into my world.

 

At the time I firmly believed that there wasn't enough voices discussing the true journey we often are forced to take, specific to  bipolar affected minds, as well as too little practical application of common sense and logic to the care of one's mindscape (so to speak). There were lots of sympathy, lots of enabling, and much "guidance", but no clear map of routes through the bogs of dysfunctional quagmires of thought or how to take the better route to avoid potential disasters/road hazards. 

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I felt a deep obligation, as well as responsibility to discuss the journey I was on so that others could follow the breadcrumbs of what I had discovered and find their own way to cope with their "bipolar travels" through the complicated mine field of affected/dysfunctional emotions and thoughts. I began to write articles to give people practicle ways to use simple techniques to work through the tempest in their inner world. Also, to control the skyrocketing highs (manias) and plummeting lows (depression) that defines the experience of Bipolar Disorder.

 

However, the most important part of the website was to share insight and explain the commonly misunderstood perspective of a sufferer to their loved ones and partners. I was hoping to heal the rifts created by my mental illness with my family and give guidance to my new husband at the time to be able to cope with the tribulations of living/loving an affected wife. I found some success with my family, friends, and the visitors that came and enjoyed my content. But, sadly, I was never able to reach the one person I had hoped to bond with the most, my former husband. In the end, I stopped engaging in the conversation, not just with him, but the rest of the world as well. In my weakest moment I withdrew and stumbled into the dark woods to escape to the shadows. 

 

When I began this blog I was a 26 year old mom recently married and trying to shore up my mental fortitude for the task of building a new life with my husband whilst raising a son. I did my best to create articles and keep up with the overwhelming response to my website. After seven years I eventually sucumbed to my disorder, my self doubt, my self loathing, my depression/disappointment and I found myself silent. I lost the path. After the failure of a 17 year marriage and seeing my son grow to be a strong independent adult I realized I had to find a reason to live, or die in the misery of my own creation. I left and starting picking my way through the brambles of hurt and desolation to find my way out of the deep dark wood.

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I felt deeply that if my son should fall victim to the same genetic fate I had at the age of 21, I had to be a pathfinder, not a lost soul, for the sake of his future mental health. I had always been a close and caring mom, but I had allowed myself to recede into the background and become a shadow of the person I was. I saw that my son would need a beacon to follow in the darkest night, not a shadow that is lost to the dark recesses. So, I forced myself to rise from the quagmire of self loathing I had sunk myself into and pulled my soul free. I now enjoy a very rewarding and close relationship with my son. He is my sunrise and sunset, I love him to the ends of the universe and beyond. I share his journey and I feel deeply honoured that he turns to me for guidance, and looks to the horizon for the light of a new day to guide him away from the dark of night. I am so very proud of my son. 

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Now I am 53 and with age I have come to understand many more things about life, love, and the universe. I had been reserving my energy and efforts to guiding my son through this ever complicated world. Now, I realize that I need to also pause and give aid to other sufferers I am finding lost and abandoned on the roadside. My son is not the only person who is in need of true North. So, I am returning to walk with my fellow travellers, give succour and a hand in the dark when there are too many unseen roots to stumble upon along the path. 

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I invite my guests to join me and feel comfortable to share your lessons as well. I will provide a place for visitors to leave comments and send insight at the bottom of this page. Please, it is together that we reach our destination and it is how we treat others as we journey that makes the final destination worth arriving at. All together, all safe, a place in which we have created in our combined walk with each other.